I do not know about you guys, but there is something really sad about crying in the middle of the night because you suddenly remembered a person who was dear to you who left almost 3 years ago.

March 21, 2014… A day that changed my life for the worst; the day all shit in my life began spiralling downhill. And up until now, my family and I are still trying to get back up from the mess that is 2014. That day, I learned that my best friend; the person I first came out to and a person who I saw as the older brother I never had passed away the night before on the 20th. He was coming home from a friend’s house and he was shot dead  while he was waiting for a jeepney that will take him home. The sad thing about this was the hospital was only a few meters away from where he was waiting.

At first I did not believe the friend of mine who informed me of his death… But then I went to the chapel where his funeral was held, I saw his picture there, I can’t believe what I as seeing so I walked away and rode the first jeepney I saw that will take me home. When I got off, I walked the farthest route from my house, I stared into nothing all throughout my walk. When I was in front of our  apartment’s door, that’s when I realized that, yes.. he really was dead; I’ll never see him ever again. I’ve never cried so hard in my life.

Up until now, I can’t bring myself to delete the final conversation we had on my phone, and up until now I still can’t visit his grave… I can talk about his death to other people now without breaking down, but really I still find it hard to believe that he is gone forever and we can never see him again.

I’m sorry if this makes you sad too, but I need to let this out somehow.

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